i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
