If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
