i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
