We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
