I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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