I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
