tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
