Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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