is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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