I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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