I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
