Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
