question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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