Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
