shes about as inviting as chlamydia
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
