I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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