No more Irish car bombs ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
