I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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