Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
