yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
