Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
