I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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