This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have tasted many bathrooms
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
