Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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