She's JV to your varsity
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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