If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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