the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
