wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
