my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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