I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
