i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
