dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
