Apparently you make a good broom.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
