Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
