the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
