I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
