I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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