Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
