I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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