Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
