That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
