i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
