Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
