We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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