Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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