well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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