we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
