I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
