College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Holy shit dude........stairs
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
