That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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