i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
