Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
foreskin is a definite game changer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
