i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
