Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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