I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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