Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
