My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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